Hi all, This might be a bit of a sensitive topic, apologies if it is. I have been diagnosed with OCD and PTSD following the suicide of a close friend many years ago. I have had years where I have been in remission and the obsessive thoughts seemed ridiculous, but I am having a few problems again at the moment. I have what is categorised as Pure O, my compulsions are mental, consisting of ruminations. They revolve, basically, around suicide, my own death, the death of others and many other sticky, horrible thoughts/images and even urges (a 'normal' OCD trick). In the past I have been treated with anti-depressants and CBT, mainly exposure therapy, which was horrible but did the trick until I came off the tablets and relapsed. I went back onto medication, all fine, came off again and relapsed. I went back on tablets (this was last summer) but this time I couldn't shake the thoughts and I had a pretty horrible year. In April I started EFT and had a good couple of months, but have relapsed again. I am working with a lovely and very knowledgable practitioner who has helped immensely, but I seem stuck at the moment and wondered whether anyone else had advice. I get to the stage where I can tap the anxiety away, but then it leaves me feeling realy depressed and empty. I try tapping on that but seem to get no relief. The depression scares me and makes me think that maybe I really am suicidal (another OCD trick) and then I cycle back into OCD anxiety again and it all starts again. There are many, many other fears alongside this main one, another huge obsession being with therapy, and the idea that I'll never get better. I have had so much therapy over the years that I get so confused over which approach to take, exposure, mindfulness, acceptance, EFT etc. I worry that EFT is becoming a compulsion, or think that maybe I'm addicted to OCD/adrenaline. I worry I won't be able to cope, and won't be able to work (I love my job as a teacher) And, I have tapped on all of that too : ) I just seem so stuck. The depression is scary, and the OCD thoughts are scary and feel very real and I can't seem to find a way out of this. Any ideas gratefully appreciated! Thanks, take care, Annie

Anniekh:

There are many, many other fears alongside this main one, another huge obsession being with therapy, and the idea that I'll never get better.

 

Hi Annie,

I also read your other post where you wrote "One of my main fears is never recovering and having to face this for the rest of my life; I have tried tapping on that but again that feels like 'fighting' the thought and I'm not having much luck resetting the obsessive cycle I'm in." This feeling of hopelessness and being stuck is where you could start. Feeling your way out of this closed loop/cycle which is self perpetuating will release you, it is what is making you feel stuck and overwhelmed and this is completely understandable, thinking your way out will keep you stuck. You're using your thoughts to gain some control in what feels like an uncontrollable situation. Imagine a closed circle or a free flowing river ... one feels claustrophobic the other feels freeing. When something traumatic happens we very often freeze, this is called the immobility response and we can feel dread, helpless, collapse, terror etc when immobilised, when we exit this reponse we can feel enormous rage, both states can feel excruciating, so we avoid them. But the key is to voluntarily enter into these states as gently and as safely as we can and to know that we will and can dissolve the closed loop of a (seemingly) never ending roundabout by doing so. This gives us very much needed hope. Peter Levine calls this entering and exiting immobility (the biological foundation for trauma) pendulation, he says "I have named this shift from the feelings of dread, rage or whatever one likes to avoid toward “befriending” one's internal sensations pendulation, the intrinsic rhythm pulsing between the experienced polarities of contraction and expansion/openness" you can see my blog below for more posts on pendulation and anxiety.

I totally understand you feeling you won't get better, it can feel as if this state of anxiety will last forever, but what anxiety really means is, we can't be in our body, it's too painful, it is where all the painful feelings are. But distracting ourself from our feelings doesn't work, so we try something else and that something else is often thinking. We try and gain control and comfort by thinking, obsessing and rituals, it makes us feel safe, but in the long run it never works and we feel worse, more desperate and hopeless. But the goal is always to feel safe and comforted, so tap on this need and acknowledge your true and genuine need for safety and comfort. Feeling the sensations in your body (gently and safely) will allow you to discharge all the stress trapped/frozen in your nervous system. Our bodies have an innate capacity to help us release stress, our body can feel like the enemy sometimes but they really are our friend and a fantastic vehicle to release stress.

Hope this helps Annie, let us know how you get on

Noreen.

 

Hi, thank you so much for your reply. I'm trying to practice acceptance, but finding it hard. One of my worst times is the middle of the night, I seem to wake up two or three times in panic and can then easily spend at least an hour trying to calm down. Do you have any suggestions for tapping set ups? Or maybe ideas to try when my mind is racing? Thanks again, annie

Hi, sorry if this posts twice, but I can't see my reply appearing. Thank you so much for your reply. Would you suggest maybe just sitting with the painful feelings until they pass? Or perhaps some specific tapping set ups? My worst times seem to be in the night, I wake up two or three times in absolute panic, my mind racing etc and I just can't seem to calm down, then I get more upset because I woke up and panicked again... Thanks, Annie

Hi, sorry if this posts twice, but I can't see my reply appearing. Thank you so much for your reply. Would you suggest maybe just sitting with the painful feelings until they pass? Or perhaps some specific tapping set ups? My worst times seem to be in the night, I wake up two or three times in absolute panic, my mind racing etc and I just can't seem to calm down, then I get more upset because I woke up and panicked again... Thanks, Annie

 Hi Anniekh,

Try just being and noticing  how you are feeling.  Tell yourself, I am perfectly safe, inspite of this anxiety attack.

You can tap while you say this, if you are able. 

If you are in the midst of an anxiety attack, worrying about  your phrasing might increase your anxiety.

 

Try just being with it.  Another thing to try is to cross your both your arms and your ankles and breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Try this right now. As you breath in through your nose, lightly touch your tongue behind your top teeth. Take aboubout 5 deep in and out breaths.

Now uncross both your arms and your legs, and put your finger tips together.Do about 5 more of these deep breaths.

 Hi Annie,

You could hold the gamut spot continuously to help bring you out of fight/flight. You could say as you're doing this "I'm afraid" or "I'm feeling afraid", try adding "And that's ok" if it feels ok to do that. I wouldn't say too much, keep it really simple or you might feel more overwhelmed/flooded. You'll find lots of articles on panic attacks on eftuniverse.com if you do a search. Sometimes what I suggest is when someone starts to feel the first signs of panic is to give themselves permission to really turn it up, let it rip, it can often have the effect of calming us because we're not fighting how we're feeling. It can be one of the most difficult things to do, sitting with our feelings, especially when they feel horrible and fill us with dread, but the more we do it, the easier it becomes. The amount of resistance we have to feeling is in proportion to the amount of fear, so tap on your fears. You might want to have a look at this article by Carol Look on Is it safe to change?

All the best

Noreen.

Hi, thank you both for your messages. I want to move this along as quickly as I can, but the thoughts and images are jumping in pretty much constantly now and I can't seem to break the rumination cycle. Both of your suggestions sound great, so I will give those a go too. That sitting with your feelings thing is something I've been trying to do the past couple of days, but my thoughts get in the way and I seem to get sucked back into the anxiety cycle again. It's almost as if I 'look' for the thoughts even when they're not there momentarily. Got myself in a right pickle here, so thank you for your time Annie