Hi Butterfly Jo,
I'd like to add my two cents to this conversation. My fellow co-moderator, Diane's phrases are great and they really work, but as a coach, I'd like to encourage you to think about what actions you need to take in order to build up that sagging self confidence that is making food seem so much more tempting than it needs to be. Remember those challenges you're having with food are just like a series of short circuits that are being set off in your brain that are causing those urges to eat when you're not hungry. It's true that some of the cause of that might have something to do with certain nutritional deficiences, but I tend to think of cravings as being more like unmet emotional needs in disguise.
As a fellow NLPer, I take for granted the fact that you are intimately
aware of the impact of our internal self talk. You probably know that
if you find yourself caught in a loop of negativity, fear or compulsive behavior, it comes from old
associations that have gotten anchored in your subconscious mind by mixing strong emotions with repetition.
If you've been a dieter, weight watcher or scale hopper for any length of time, you've learned that one of the toughest loops to free yourself from is the limiting belief that all things you lack are due to not having control over what you eat. That is nonsense that is perpetuated by the diet organizations to keep you believing that it's what you're eating that's the problem. That's not true. It's not what you're eating. It's what's eating you!
Your self image or the way that you see yourself in your mind's eye is
based on a series of interpretations, assumptions and limiting beliefs.
It's who you believe yourself to be, and that internal picture that
you're carrying around determines everything you are willing and not
willing to do, be and have. We know that by virtue of the law of attraction, If you're walking around thinking of yourself as fat and ugly, then these beliefs which are compulsive by nature will resonate throughout your body and guide you to continuously attract and create the conditions in your life that will keep you thinking and feeling fat and ugly and out of control around food.
I've learned that it is by taking action and doing things that we
wouldn't normally do, that enable us to move beyond our comfort zones and makeover what i like to call a fat and ugly self image.
I completely agree with Carol Look and I also recognize that having a
challenge with weight is an effect of dealing with unresolved safety
issues.
However I also know only too well how frustrating it can be to keep on tapping on
various issues, looking for that proverbial needle in the haystack,
hoping to hit pay dirt once you get to the root of the problem. So that you don't go any further into frustration than you already have, I'd
like to recommend that you take your energy and invest it elsewhere.
Consider putting the cart before the horse and think about what actions and decisions you've been putting off because you've been afraid to put yourself in a vulnerable position. After realizing that I was unable to stop eating everything that wasn't nailed down, I created a 7 step approach to help women break free of weight obsession and emotional eating. I did that after I learned that my body hatred was only fueling my appetite. Here are the 7 basic elements of my RECLAIM system that I rely upon consistently and share with my clients.
1. Take 100% responsibility for your life. Consider who or what is stopping you from being happier. From Jack Canfield, I learned a fabulous equation that changed my life. E + R = O. E, Event + R, Response = Outcome. Although you can't change the events that have occurred in your life, you can change the way you respond to them. For example: Are you withholding forgiveness or spending energy on blaming others for your misery? Find out what you can do to get out of whatever uncomfortable situation you're in and take steps each day to empower yourself. You put yoursel in charge of your life, when you change the way you respond to life's upsets. But first, you've got to become aware of how you feel...
2. Embrace your emotions. Like the GPS in your car, your emotions will tell you everything you need to know about what's going on in your life and how you feel about it. Author, Geneen Roth explains a binge as being our body's way of throwing a tantrum.
3. Cope with your stress. Once you figure out how you feel, then use EFT to neutralize those emotions that have been keeping you stuck, creating those same frustrating outcomes.
4. Love your body. You can't do this until you find the compassion that comes with using the EFT on those overwrought emotions that keep you blaming and hating yourself and others. Also by focusing on accepting your body as it is, you will neutralize your body's natural tendency to sabotage your weight loss efforts. I like to say that we have to learn how to accept our bigger, heavier, "before" bodies, so that we can learn to love our thinner "after" bodies."
5. Act to attract - By taking actions that are in contradiction with who we believe ourselves to be, you can upgrade a negative self image. For example; let's say you have a belief that you shouldn't buy lovely clothes before you get down to your goal weight. By using EFT to question those limiting beliefs, you will recognize that you are indeed deserving of wearing lovely clothes, and when you actually go the next step and invest in buying pretty clothes, you make a statement to your subconscious mind that, "I am worth it." When you take actions that reinforce a positive self image, you will feel better about yourself no matter what size you are.
6. Set a powerful intention - spend time each day thinking about what you want, visualizing yourself doing things that a more confident, thinner you would do and by focusing your energy in that way, you make it easier to do them. It's like having footprints in the sand.
7. Mastermind - Be mindful of with whom you choose to spend your time. Rather than hanging out with people, bent on pointing out your flaws and making you feel awful so that they can feel great, seek out the company of other women also on the road to creating or reinforcing a new positive self image.
Jo, I hope this helps. Heaven knows I understand how painful it can be when you hate your body. I've spent way too many years hating my thighs and blaming my misery on them. Then one day a few years ago I realized that I wasn't miserable because I had fat thighs. I had fat thighs because I was committed to being miserable. Now that I've broken that commitment to keeping myself unhappy, my thighs continue to get smaller. Please consider this truth. The excess weight that you have on your body is the result of years of hurt and pain, and misguided beliefs about yourself and your body. As you question those more and more, and take actions consistent with being a woman building a new positive self image, your relationship with food will transform and your eating habits will change. It's pretty simple. As you do things that reinforce the fact that you like yourself more, you will actually like yourself more.
Although it may not seem like it, you'll notice the biggest changes in your life and your body when you just make the decision to stop focusing on your weight. So step away from the scale and stop being so hard on yourself. As a NLPer, you know the benefit of changing that inner critic's voice. Now think about someone in your life who has always spoken to you with love and respect and let that voice be the one who guides you. Change your life and your body will also change. If you have any questions, I'm here for you.
Much love,
Andrea
Jo
Andrea Amador, CEC, M.NLP
President, The Juicy Woman
Co-Moderator of EFT Forum for Weight Control
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